I Deserve It

I've heard it said before - it's probably a cliché - but I'm going to go ahead and say it: what a difference a year can make. 

One year ago I was splitting my time between my family, and an apartment. I was debating if I should stay, or if I should go (in my marriage). I wasn't so sure I was the marrying type. Wasn't sure if I had been true to myself by planting roots into family, when I was still so unsure of who I was myself. 

One year ago I was sad. I was confused. And mostly I was lost. 

Fast forward to today. I found myself and I chose my family. I went to therapy and I faced my demons. I planted my roots deeper into my commitments and I'm happy to say I know I made the right choice. I'm now almost 5 months pregnant with the daughter I never could have imagined one year ago. My future is bright and my spirit is happy!

I had to fight through the dark storm. I had to persevere for my happiness. I've had people say that I'm "lucky" and that I  "have it all". They're right - I am lucky, and blessed and I couldn't ask for more ... But I fought my ass off for the life I'm living ... And I had to walk through hell to get here. 

I told my husband Johnny tonight that I was afraid. He asked of what - and I said "I'm so happy. I have a wonderful son, a marriage I'm happy to be in and I husband that I LOVE, healthy family and friends, a puppy that I adore, and a little girl on the way. All this happiness must mean that something terrible is about to happen." But he reminded me that the bad had preceded the good. That we deserved this life and this happiness. And he's right. We do. 

So - what a difference a year can make. If you're in the midst of your own personal shit storm - keep going. It's worth it to take the long and hard road ... You can't cheat your way to happiness.Who knows the possibility that one year from now holds.

{For me ... It was a daughter!}

Here I am - happy and glowing with sweet Miss Navy James in my tummy! Can't wait to meet her!