All The Red Balloons
Sometimes all you need is a dose of reality ... A little perspective.
Let me begin with Navy - and the absolute havoc this little girl is wreaking on my body. I don't remember pregnancy feeling like this - though I do distinctly remember how much I did NOT enjoy being pregnant. This go around has dished me out all of the symptoms. All. Of. Them. My favorites include the nightly nose bleed, the inconsistent nausea, and now the break-my-spirit backaches that only seem to intensify that inconsistent nausea. Pregnancy for me is sort of like a game show where the object of the game is to break a poor woman's spirit, but have her leave with one hellova door prize. (Thus, making the torture a worthwhile endeavor.)
Yesterday I woke up with a nagging backache. I tried to work through it, but it overtook me. And then, blargggg. I tossed my cookies. I called out of work, and tucked myself back into bed.
I spent a couple of those listless in-bed moments mindlessly perusing my Instagram feed. And then like a ton of bricks, a harsh reality was served. On Instagram I read of a little boy, Ryan Saldana, just three years old - who's life had come to an abrupt halt during a game of a Frisbee. An ill fated moment where a child was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and where a truck would take his life.
I looked up this little boy and his family. And it hurt. There were thousands of photos of this bright eyed child, who much like my own boy sported curly, red hair. I looked at the life, so much life, in those photos. A little family - and it cut me to the core. My heart ached for his loss - and ached to imagine the pain his a Mommy was carrying. It's an immeasurable pain to lose a child ... I don't know it, but it leaves me breathless to even imagine. I pray I never experience it.
When I picked up Jet from school, I took him home and I just squeezed him. I held him close, snuggled next to him for hours, and just breathed him in. I could think of virtually nothing else but how grateful I was to have him by my side.
I went to bed last night - more cookies tossed. I struggled to get comfortable - a harsh reality for this former stomach sleeper, and I tossed and turned. My back ached, which intensified my belly ache ... And Navy was flip flopping around. Jet came creeping in my room sometime after 11 asking for a kiss. To describe my sleeping situation up to that point would be agony, and I knew inviting him in for a snuggle would be misery to my body and would make sleep a virtual impossibility - but - Ryan's Mommy would be aching for the chance to hold her little boy. So I ushered him to my side, and I wrapped myself around him. Hours later he would uncharacteristically wet the bed (seriously, it's been over 4 years since the last incidence) ... As I cleaned the mess and did my best to shrug away the pains of pregnancy and lack of sleep - I could only continue to be grateful. To feel blessed. Ryan was my harsh dose of reality. I may be sick and tired and laying on pee - but my babies were safe and cozy by and in my side.
I'm home again today, round two of being sick. But I won't complain, because while I may feel gross and icky, it could be so much worse.
To read more about Ryan Saldana, please visit: http://diaryofanaddict.co/red-balloons-ryan/ - or look at his Mommy's Instagram: @babyboybakery Tag any photos or encouraging words to #redballoonsforryan ... This poor family is suffering greatly, please join me in offering them love and support in their darkest of days. They are heavy in my heart ... My thoughts and prayers are with them.