I'm Here.

Sometimes (most of the time) it is ultimate-fighter-hard, to be a Mom.

Sometimes you feel lonely, even though you don't even get to pee alone.

Sometimes (always) the messes pile up faster than the cleaning can get done, and even though you've worked all day - you have nothing to show for it.

Sometimes you don't want to talk about Minecraft.  Ever again  

Sometimes there are too many loads of laundry. And instead of putting clothes away, you just keep adding them to the dryer. And hope that nobody will notice.

Sometimes dinner happens really late. Like. At 9:45 pm.

Sometimes dinner is cereal.

Sometimes you lose your cool, and you pray that your kids won't remember your awful moments when they're older.

Sometimes you can't sleep, your back hurts, there are tiny feet jammed in your rib cage, and you wake up wet because somebody peed the bed. (Not naming names. Except I am. NAVY!)

Sometimes you find macaroni. In the door jam.

Sometimes you want to cry, because you can't remember what it was like to just be you. You've lost that you person in the role of Mom.

Sometimes you have bruises on your boobs because your littlest grabs your skin tight while nursing. And it's sweet, and you know it's sweet. But hot damn, it hurts.

Sometimes you're sure you're doing it all wrong.

Sometimes you really are doing it all wrong.

But. You're there. And you get up the next day, with love in your heart, and you try again.

I've been stuck in a rut for a moment, but. I'm crawling out. Today I got a jolt as I read a heartbreaking story about a woman who died shortly after childbirth. It broke my heart for her child. For her husband. But most of all, for her.

It reminded me. I get to be here.

I get to be here for the hair tugs. The bathroom party sessions. The tween 'tude. The diapers that smell like zoo droppings. The tantrums. The treasure hunt that is waiting in my air vents. I am here. I'm seeing it all - treasuring not just the sweet handholds, the "Mommy I Love You"s, and kisses, the growing up and evolving ... all of it. I get to be their Mom. All day. Every single day.

And it's hard. It's so so so hard. But I'm here. And for that, I am eternally grateful.