JUST DO ITTTTTT

It is not news that social media can be as harmful as it can be beneficial. It is such a valuable tool for networking. But. I think I want out of the network.

There is time in my day - every single day - that I could be investing in myself. But I squander it. I waste that precious time looking at other people on Instagram. I host ridiculous and unimportant monologues on Snapchat. I spend hours and hours on my phone. And - most of what I find makes me feel "not as good" as the rest of you.

My Instagram feed is full of photos of the fittest women (mothers even!) and their insanely delicious and healthy looking meals, creative souls who are MAKING and DOING art instead of just thinking and dreaming of it, the most beautiful clothes for man, woman, and child - all of which I can only lust over, and of course all the trips that I cannot at this time afford. (We couldn't even afford a FREE trip this January, because to expedite our passports was just - too dang pricey. Minivans aren't free, friends!) Plus, the beauty. The beauty overwhelms me. Y'all make a girl feel like a dang ogre. There are of course friendly faces in my feed, but the truth is ... My friends get lost in the sea of perfectly posed, perfectly curated photos. And. I'm sick of it.

Do I love "A Beautiful Mess"? With my SOUL! But, they are so good that my creativity balks at the idea of even attempting to "be more like them." Who am I to think I could make it in the land of DIY when they already exist and rule over that world? And artists? And hand-writers?  There are ten billion better than I. And the Internet CONSTANTLY reminds me of that.  My creativity is stifled by the talent of everybody else. As is my confidence and happiness. 

Everything I want to be: wife, mother, friend, creative - well the Internet shows me people are doing that, and doing it BETTER.

I know those sweet squares don't tell the whole truth. I know my OWN squares don't tell the whole truth. I have pores, for one thing. And I don't (often) post ugly pictures, for a second. Knowing this, doesn't help in my plight for a life without comparison. I'm still constantly putting myself up in a lineup. And I'm always falling short.

So. I think it's time for me to say farewell. Maybe not forever. But absolutely for now.

I'm curious if a break can free up some time in my life. Time for me to actually, I don't know, believe in myself and take steps towards accomplishing my goals?! Time to invest my attention in worthwhile and self bettering behaviors. Time to take Shia LaBeouf's advice and "JUST DO ITTTT!" ... (Dear Shia. I LOVE you.)

So yeah ... I'm resolved to quitting social media. All of it. For at least a little while. You might still find me on here, so if you're interested, check back? Writing is my favorite medium, so I say blogging doesn't count. But I'm stuck in the net and it isn't working, so I'm breaking free of the network. That sentence was awful and shameful. Forgive me. I'm struggling to say goodbye, but ... It's time.

Best of luck and warm wishes to you all - hopefully the next time I check in I've got an arsenal of confidence, creative juices, and happy moments that have filled the gaps ...