Cake Batter

Let me talk to you about my skin.

I have had a mountain range of acne gracing my face since I was about 12 years old. They’ve always been there. Sometimes the mountain peaks are higher than others; sometimes I’m more in the valley range … but I have not for one second in the last (almost) 2 decades, had a day of clear skin.

If you are reading this and you have clear skin: Drop to your knees and thank your God. Acne is an excruciating experience. It’s right there – on your face, front and center. It garners a first impression before you can even make a first impression. It makes you feel – ugly. Even though you aren’t.

I have tried almost everything. I’ve seen many dermatologists: I’ve had peels, facials, extractions, laser treatments – I’ve used their creams and popped their pills. I’ve tried buffer brushes, scrubs, exfoliating gloves, diets, toothpaste concoctions (YUP!), lotions, as-seen-on-TV treatments, home remedies – EVERYTHING. Shoot, I’ve been moments away from rain dancing for clear skin. (Acne dancing?) Nothing worked.

So you know what I did? I turned to makeup. A thick layer of cake batter, right on top of my face. And you know what that makeup did? It emotionally supported me. Did it make my skin better? No. But it didn’t make it worse either. It concealed my flaws. It was a mask; but it helped me feel like – ME. I wasn’t a pimple anymore, I was me – a better me. Then I got all artistic and learned the ins and outs of shadowing and colors and eyebrow shaping … I turned in to a glamazon, if you will.

Then there was backlash. {naturally} My heavy makeup has been criticized and questioned. “Why do you wear so much makeup, Taylor?”  I think that question is kind of rude. It forces me to admit what I’ve desperately tried to hide: I’m flawed! I have Everest(s) hiding under this cake batter! The makeup is a mask that makes me feel pretty! It’s not for you – it’s for ME. It makes ME feel better about ME.

The truth – I wanted to wake up with a face that I wasn’t ashamed of. I wanted to roll out of bed and like the reflection I saw in the mirror.

My husband’s Mom does laser skin treatments. About a month and a half ago she did a laser resurfacing to my skin. She prodded me to reveal all the things that my dermatologists have said about my skin. It’s “hormonal” – the kinds of breakouts I have – where they appear, etc. Then, she put me on a regimented skin care plan, and much to my surprise … IT WORKED. I still have a bump or so. I still have light scarring. But my skin is the smoothest it has ever been in my adult life. I’m amazed! And while I should be jumping for joy … I’m spazzing out! I’ve become so attached to the made-up version of myself that the bare(ish) faced Taylor kind of freaks me out.

I’m throwing out the rules. Just because I have clear-ish skin, doesn’t mean I can’t embellish my face with some makeup …it does however, free me of the “obligation”. Yesterday I went with a more natural look. (A little concealer on my problem spots, some bronzer, heavy mascara, and a pop of color on my lips.) Today – I went all out. Eyes, cake batter, the whole shebang. I think they both have something to offer.

Note … I’m having a hard time with my final paragraphs. I feel like I’m supposed to be able to summarize my thoughts, tie it all together, and leave it on a funny note. I’m also struggling with commas, and when/where to use them. Please overlook these battles – I’m sure I’ll get better with time.