I've read that opinions are like assholes ... everybody's got one. Here's mine. ( Ahem, my Opinions! Not booty!)

Inferiority

I've been doing some thinking about a common theme in my troubles: Inferiority.

Some of you are born confident. Some of you are wired to succeed not because of your talent or intellect - not because of luck - but simply because you believe that you will. I truly believe that confidence and positivity are the keys needed to persevere through the obstacles we encounter on the journey towards success.

I have talents. I have intellect. I am kind. I am smart. But I lack confidence. Not just in myself - my inner and exterior person ... but also in my skill set(s).

Here's a couple of examples:

I draw. I'm not Picasso. I'm not Disney. I'm actually not like any particular artist at all. I find my artwork to be simple. {Bold outlines. Colorful. Basic, at best.} But my art is cute, and it has garnered me attention from friends my whole life through. I have been asked to paint murals on walls, design artwork for nurseries, address the envelopes for weddings, and various other mini-duties. I always enjoy the projects, because I enjoy the art. When people say they'll pay me, I shrug them off. If you're my friend - and you want something that I can easily give you - why would I charge you? I had a small stint selling greeting cards on Etsy, but I found that my Mom was 75% of my sales - and that my simple little cards were nothing in comparison to the talent of Etsy. I recently had a friend send me a text of a screen capture of an Instagram feed. I checked out the feed - and it was full of colorful doodles similar to my own. She told me that I should turn my artwork into stationary. She told me that she thought that my art was just as worthy as this person's. (And this particular person was making a killing with a tiny stationary business!) She's not the only person to have encouraged me. First - I felt complimented. It feels wonderful when people value my art. Second: the doubt kicked in. I immediately let myself get caught up in the net of details: I don't know how to print my artwork on stationary, I likely don't have the expendable cash to use towards the printing process - and even - who would buy it? I have the talent to make something of myself, yet - I lack the courage to - go for it.

It's particularly painful to see this in myself, because my ultimate goal (career wise) would be to make a living off of my art. {Be it writing, or drawing, or whatever the "it" project of my moment is.}

This enlightenment came full circle for me at a concert I attended a few weeks ago. My silliest aspiration of all time, is to be a singer. {A pop star of Katy Perry proportions.} This is absolutely not in the cards for me - something I am at peace with. I do not have a terrible singing voice, but I do not have a wonderful singing voice. I am painfully shy in regards to vocal performance ... I couldn't sing in front of my own mother if she asked me to. All the same, it's this microscopic, fairy-tale pipe-dream that I've always had. I think I WOULD be a great songwriter, so I tend to let myself get caught in that aspect of the dream. So I go to this show, and the girl on stage has really made a name for herself. She'll never top the list of iTunes, and she may not attract a crowd of 500 people - but all the same, she supports herself off of music alone. She got on stage, and she sang her heart out. And I kept getting snagged on the simple fact that my singing voice is absolutely stronger than hers.

This shocked my system. Her talent level is lower than mine ... but her confidence level far surpasses mine. And so here she is, an average performer - an average voice - an average persona .... but she's doing it!

And in that moment I finally realized that the only thing stopping me ... consistently ... is me.

WTF? That's a tough pill to swallow.

So I'm writing this to kind of call myself out. Instead of "letting myself off the follow-through hook" (aka, getting lost in details like printing production) I'm going to actually have to try. I'm going to have to ask for help. To ask for guidance. To figure it out. I'm going to need to grow a set of balls, and put myself out there. Confidence or not. Because the reality of the situation is that I'm not getting any younger, and my opportunities are only as good as my follow through. There will always be somebody "better" than me. Somebody "more" talented. But "more" doesn't mean "only". Coke outsells Pepsi, but Pepsi is still a lucrative business. And while I am faithful to my beloved Coca Cola Classic, perhaps it's time that I get comfortable being Pepsi.

#Boom

Finding Happy

OFFICIALLY. 30.